30 March [insert random disgruntled noise] Blahhhhhh. This is a very unproductive entry. My head is aching I think because I grossly overslept and missed class this morning (don't ask why, it happens). And I'm sick of reading about philosophical musings on death and homosexuality and mortality and identity. Blahhhhhh. Am I hungry? It's possible. These days I swing between being absolutely miserable - no jobs on the horizon and on-the-verge-of-failing-Simulations tends to do that to you - and being utterly uninspired. Like now. I am so unispired I had to write about it. Actually, I just felt oblige to make my little contribution to the blog community before people stop coming to my site. As it is googling my name doesn't list this site until #39 or so. I am rather miffed about that. Hmph. I know that by now I should've shelved the February entries on a separate page, and soon I'll have to do the March ones but they won't get done for goodness knows how long. My shitty web design is degenerating by the hour. Well pear to that I say. Pear! On Winamp Today: Too uninspired for music. 2.08 am - 22 March Unmotivated I'm just feeling pretty blah now in general. I would go play on the PS2 Caylen brought me (told you he's perfect), but I'm sick of Crash Bandicoot falling into chasms (I'm still really bad at gauging distances and depth in 3D), and of my elf ranger getting murdered by measley undead minions because I forget to look at the health bar. Pfft. And of course, I shouldn't even be playing PS2 games, because I have logistics homework (that I don't know how to do), simulation homework (that I don't know how to do), stat homeworks to grade (that I don't want to look at cos it makes me sick; haven't got over last week's grading binge yet), and Comp Lit reading to do (which I'm saving till later cos I think I'll actually enjoy it). Plus a bunch of things to do for OPT and my actuarial exam that involves printing and photocopying and mailing which are just little nuisances. Blahhhhh. On the bright side, I think I'm going shopping at Forever 21 on Thursday (it's practically equivalent to going to Gilroy) when it'll be nice and empty and we'll have the whole three stories to ourselves. Heh. Also, I bought 2 games from EB Games the other day AND got conned into signing up for membership. This is the beginning of the end I tell you. On the job hunting front, I suppose I should record this for posterity's sake. I got an offer for a job I really like with really decent pay, with a company I had a really good impression of. Except that it was for their office in Princeton. I was somewhat put off by the fact that they'd made no mention of this at all during the entire hiring process, plus for a variety of reasons I've gone through in my mind a million times, I really don't want to move. So, yeah. Back to square one. After losing sleep over it for a week I think I've finally come to terms with the whole thing. The only mistake I could make with regard to this would be to regret my decision, so I won't do that, because I WILL find another job. So there. Although the prospect of more interviews and more reading up on how to bullshit and more jumping every time the phone rings is really not the most exciting one. If nothing else, I'm going to get through a chapter from my simulations reader tonight. On Winamp Today: Kings Of Convenience - Sing Softly To Me 10.07 pm - 11 March Maintenance Just a short entry to keep this habit up, before I start neglecting this. Everyone's blogging more than me these days, I'm a little ashamed. Had a very very eventful day. In fact, a very eventful week, concerts and info-sessions and socialising and trying to impress people and getting demoralised by simluations prof. So now I'm very tired. Hella glad that there hasn't been any grading to do these 2 weeks, even though that also means about 150 bucks less income, but meh. 2 midterms next week, I think I can do without the extra pocket money for a while. Still madly in love with Erlend and Eirik. Caylen proved once again that he's the best boyfriend in the world, by driving down from Santa Clara last night so he could take me to my interview at San Mateo this morning. Yah I had an interview in SAN MATEO. Thankfully getting back wasn't as painful as I thought, maybe 25 minutes by bus and 70 by BART, so that was good. Anyway, I have also been relegated to a "state of hmph" because I am "skittish" about mentioning my boyfriend. PEAR. So mention mention mention and I hope my parents really don't read this website. Please please please just give me a job so I can stop spending my weeks with something weighing at the back of my mind and my weekends writing cover letters. The people at the company were super nice today, and I'm getting more and more genuinely interested in the job, so now if I get rejected I shall be terribly brokenhearted. Sighsighsigh how hard it is to be a Bingying! I'm not really sleepy but I'm aching all over (that happens frequently now, sign of old age I believe) and I can't seem to keep my eyes open. Very disjointed entry, this. Now and then I like throwing disjointed entries at my readers. It keeps them on their toes. And clearly I am running out of relevant things to say. I should just stop typing and play Warcraft or something. Channel my energies into something more destructive. On Winamp Today: Kings Of Convenience - Brave New World 10.07 pm - 10 March Conveniently Content Ahhh. That was my sigh of contentment. The funny thing is, I was halfway through typing out an entry about what a poopy day it'd been, when Germ called me and told me she'd go to the Kings of Convenience concert with me tonight. I'd been anticipating a whole night of fretting about not making it to the show, although I really only had myself to blame for not having the foresight to realise that of course I'd want to go to see them again after the first concert, and I didn't ask anyone in advance to go with me. Today consisted of a whole bunch of shots in the dark because I found out last minute that there'd be tickets at the door, and I didn't really think I'd manage to find company, but thanks to Germ my day was utterly brilliant. Yay Germ! We waited in line for about an hour, and we had to stand in the back for the opening act (who, by the way, is probably the best opening act I've ever seen, barring Ash) cos all the seats were taken up, but this turned out to be a blessing in disguise, cos when KoC got on the stage they told all the people standing up to go sit in front. So we spent the entire concert about 1.5m away from Eirik and 2.5m away from Erlend. !!!!! Yah it was very exciting. Let me pause and reflect on this happy memory. Yah. So the music is really amazing. I mean, I can understand how if you haven't heard their stuff before it'd sound all the same to you, seriously. It took me days and days on end of having their songs on repeat before it really started sinking in. But boy have I been converted. In three weeks I've gone from mildly appreciative to fan to manic obssesive. It's weird cos on their album they have access to a few instruments + drums for each song, and in concert they only have two guitars or one guitar + piano, but somehow the sound is richer live. When they got into the opening chords of Cayman Islands I think my heart actually stopped for a second. Of course, tonight did not have last night's encounter with one of the Top Ten Most Handsome Men in Europe (according to established Italian magazine I quote), or the Zebra marker episode (oh I know someone who would LOVE to tell that story), or the thrilling race to catch the last BART home. Maybe when I'm in a more narrative mood I'll go into those details. But all in all it was still completely marvellous. Yay Germ again! =) Came home to the second piece of good news in my inbox I've received in the last two days. KoC must be bringing me luck yah. Nevermind that my simulations prof apparently thinks I should consider dropping his class. Pfft! I feel so maligned! How many years of education and I get this in my very last semester. Seriously has the scenario of a professor needing to 'have a little chat' with Bingying because she's been doing so badly in class ever struck you as a possibility? I am how good a student! TSK. I should sleep soon because I am rather intent on making it to my financial engineering class tomorrow. I can't believe I just saw the same band two days in a row. Let me end with another sigh of contentment. Ahhhh. Without giving anything away I can say it's by the sea It's a house that used to be the home of a friend of mine Without giving anything away You'll find ships inside of bottles And the garden's overgrown The house is white but the paint is coming off I didn't know if you wanted to But I came to pick you up You didn't even hesitate And now you and me are on our way I think I've brought everything we need Don't look back don't think of the Other places you should've been - It's a good thing that you came along with me Gold in the air of summer You'll shine like gold in the air of summer On Winamp Today: Kings Of Convenience - Gold In The Air Of Summer 2.22 am - 4 March Small Sadnesses This isn't inspired by any recent personal experience, but I really hate it when people are irresponsible in relationships, then try to make excuses for it. People screw up sometimes, it sucks but it happens and that's just that. But if you've screwed up, at least have the decency to admit that it was your fault, instead of trying to blame it on this or that circumstance, or even worse, trying to pin it on the very person you've let down. Because if you don't acknowledge that, if you never actually come to the realisation that you have been irrefutably wrong, if you don't recognise that you have been weak, you will never learn, and it will be those unfortunate souls around you that suffer for it. On a rather different note, it honestly makes me a little sad that no one, with the possible exception of Ian, appreciates Jason Mraz the way I do. I've tried to stuff his music down the ears of a few people, and everytime I get non-enthusiastic feedback I actually feel disappointed. It's tough because (a) his really good music isn't on the popularly released record, so most people never hear it and (b) even if they do, most of his songs come across as indistinct and tuneless because they don't have real choruses or fancy instrumentation. It takes patience and quiet and perhaps a certain kind of mood for it to really hit you I suppose. This isn't about me expounding on my superior tastes and griping about how everyone else isn't deep enough to see what I see or any bullshit like that, because I know a lot of people whose musical tastes I do hold in high esteem. I'm not upset or indignant or defensive. I'm just genuinely sad about this. Because he sings his heart and soul into his music, because he doesn't write about heartbreak and disillusionment but about being alive, and it makes you want to be alive, and that's more than I could ever have asked of it. On Winamp Today: Jason Mraz - Unfold 3.36 am - home